Conscious Coupling: The Key to Long-Lasting Relationships

by | Dec 9, 2019

nicoa dunne
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My definition of conscious coupling means choosing to enter into and commit to a relationship from a space of complete openness and vulnerability with a goal of safely co-creating a fulfilling life together. It’s about entering into a partnership with awareness about the good and bad baggage that often comes along with a person, yet expressing willingness to engage and take part in the emotional journey to healing. The entire experience is steeply based on a foundation of compassion, empathy, and love.

It takes patience and compassion to understand the inner-workings of another person’s mind and to happily coexist with someone very different than you. If you’re struggling in your relationship or you’re looking for a new partner after a tumultuous relationship from the past, conscious coupling is the key to a happy, fulfilling relationship.

Practicing conscious coupling will give you the insight and the confidence to make some choices that will serve you in both personal and professional relationships. Practicing is the key!  It’s a very deliberate and mindful approach to relationships, and there’s a number of steps that you can take to put it into practice.                                                                                                                          

Understanding Conscious Coupling

At its bare bones, conscious coupling is a relationship technique that encourages both partners to practice mindfulness of self. Disfunction breeds disfunction, as they say, so it’s important that you’re spending adequate time working on your emotional, spiritual, and physical health. You should understand the signals your body tells you on a daily basis and know how to react to them positively (see my article about somatics).

Couples should be mindful of similarities, differences, and behaviors. A conscious couple is intentional about how they respond to their emotions, triggers, and stumbling blocks, and they should learn how to support one another in these areas.

conscious coupling

Conscious Couples Co-Design their Lives


Visualization plays an important role in conscious coupling because it helps us determine right away if the person we’re with is a good match for us. I’ve seen so many couples end their relationships after realizing that their lives are headed in completely opposite directions. The saddest part, perhaps, being that they didn’t realize this until they had been together for many years.

Now, I’m not saying that both people in the relationship should have the exact same goals and dreams, but they must have a deep and full awareness of each other’s future plans. One of the most important conscious coupling practices is to visualize where you want your relationship to go, then do that! Both of you should have a clearly defined vision in your minds about where you want your relationship in the future.

Conscious coupling involves a bit of planning because you both have the power to design the life of your dreams, but you can’t do that effectively if neither of you knows where you’re going. Do you want to have children? Own a business? Travel the world? Many arguments happen when couples fail to practice consciousness about themselves and each other, so don’t let this be you!

Spend some time getting deep with each other. Reflect on your goals, life vision, hopes, and dreams. Write them down together and be zealous about making them happen! Co-creating a life by design obviously includes some level of compromise as each person in a relationship is an individual, but having a clear-cut blueprint mapped out for your lives will avoid any misunderstandings and surprises in the future.

How to Start Practicing Conscious Coupling


Conscious coupling begins as you share your deep, personal vision with your partner. openness is vital to the longevity and health of a partnership. Not only are you opening the door to intimate and powerful conversations that will fuel your relationship, but you’ll gain a better understanding of each other’s values. Everyone’s values can be prioritized differently. Does family first resonate with you? Have you discussed your relationship with money? How about your ideas around sex?

Put Conscious Coupling into Practice:

1. Create space. Take a step back and evaluate how you’ve navigated the relationship so far. Do you spend more time talking about yourself? Do you get distracted with the “date,” and forget to keep learning about each other? Start asking your partner more deep questions, and get down to his/her soul!

2. Communicate. We’re all different and that creates friction sometimes. In the past, you might have gone hours or days ignoring your partner after an argument or fight. I’m challenging you to be conscious of your reactions during disagreements. What’s causing them? What triggers you? Express your findings to each other and hash them out.

3. Cultivate. Remember that no matter how close you become with your partner; you both have to remain your own people! So many couples forget to spend time with themselves once they’ve been together for a long period of time, and I’m telling you that’s unhealthy! Learn to cultivate a deep oneness with your mind, body, spirit, and soul. Spend time doing things only YOU love and enjoy. A little space from your partner can only strengthen your relationship!



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