The Danger of Toxic Friendships

by | May 22, 2020

nicoa dunne
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The most extraordinary aspect about living a life by design is having the power to control your ultimate destiny. You can create any reality you put your mind to!  Remember: “As a man thinketh so is he!” Achieving our goals, happiness, fulfillment, and dreams is entirely up to our thoughts and the choices we make in our lives. As designers, we can create whatever we want in our lives moment to moment, year after year, and we also have the power to change it as our desires and interests ebb and flow to our liking throughout the span of our lives. Nothing is permanent and change is our friend!

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As you build your dreams throughout life, you’ll certainly run into obstacles along the way. For example, a couple once moved into the house of their dreams. After living there for about 6 months, they began feeling sick for no apparent reason. They visited the doctor, complaining of persistent coughing, sinus-like congestion, and headaches. With a little further investigation, they discovered that their home had been infested by toxic black mold within the walls of the basement, and it had made its way into the air ducts. Each time they ran the AC unit during the night, seemingly invisible mold spores floated through the air and into their air passages.

This is a great example of how the previous owners failed to address the root cause of their leakage issue, and that avoidance created a problem that even spread to someone else, right?! See how negativity begets negativity?

The couple acted quickly once they discovered the problem by hiring a company to remove a few of the infected drywall panels in the basement, then having them clean out all the air ducts thoroughly. Within a few weeks, the couple healed from their infections and were able to go back to fully enjoying their dream home. 

As you design your ideal life, you need to assess whether their are any toxic materials within or around your design that might hinder its completeness. What do you think I mean by this?

Negative People are Poisonous to Your Soul

Do know Negative Nancy or Negative Ned? You know who I mean, the person you avoid when you walk down the hallway at work because you know no matter what they say or do it isn’t going to be positive, right? Do you have that friend who constantly dumps on you every time you are around them about how awful their life is and how much they hate their job or their spouse or whatever? Pay close attention to the tone of discussions next time you are with your friends or coworkers, are they filled with hope and possibility or are they always complaining and wishing life was different but, sadly, not really taking any steps to change their situations? This type of negativity is critical to remove, maybe slowly at first, but ultimately completely from your life. 

Negativity acts very much like black mold in it’s toxicity and how it can infect us without the slightest notice. Because of the danger of negativity, it’s important that we keep it far away from us and our design.  Constant exposure to negative, scarcity, less than, victimhood thinking. . . it doesn’t in any way help you get closer to your goals or deepest heart’s desires. And remember what I said about like energy attracting like energy? Negativity and toxic personalities and cultures can do just that to you and your life by design. 

The truth is that we become who we hang out with and what we consume the most, so be careful and be conscious about it from this point forward. Who you spend the most time with is also who influences your thoughts and decisions. If you have huge goals to build a $3 million house, but you only have a $80k job right now, hearing your friend tell you it’s impossible isn’t going to get you closer to your goal. Instead, that negativity might cause you to doubt yourself. If you have a friend who is more interested in living in the past, criticizing others, and who never seeks to improve herself, that influence could subtly encourage you to lose concentration and increase your own self doubt and heighten your insecurities and fears.  

To achieve a full life by design, you must begin building and ultimately attracting a tight circle of like-minded people. Your support group needs to fully believe in you and your goals, and they must also have desires to improve themselves and role model for you in ways that are encouraging and also sharing in your joy. Shared Joy is KEY! Now, I’m not saying you have to end all your friendships and start over, but you need to use caution in how much time you spend with people who simply aren’t awake or aware enough support you and you risk creating setbacks when with them. Your close circle should challenge and push you to get closer to your goals, not the opposite.

Who would you like to spend MORE time with who you admire? Who do you need to step back from and create distance with to avoid negative influence? Be intentional in your social interactions and watch your life shift for the better immediately!

Happy designing!